Instilling Core Values that last a Lifetime
Hello! My name is Lish and as I embark on writing this article about respect, honor, and integrity, I’m motivated by my journey as a parent raising three young boys. In a world where core values seem to be missing, I believe that instilling these principles is vital for their development and success. Teaching my sons the importance of respect for themselves and others, the honor in keeping their word, and the integrity to stand up for what is right will not only shape their character but also guide their interactions in an increasingly complex and hostile society. My goal is to explore how these values can be woven into everyday life, helping them become not just respectful individuals, but also compassionate leaders in their lives.
**The Essence of Respect: Understanding and Building Respect**
At the core of any responsible young man are values like respect, honor, and integrity. These values are not merely about following societal rules; they encompass the character to do the right thing, even when no one is watching. This is critical, even when no one is watching. If you can master this, you can master anything. They involve treating others with kindness and respect—not because they have earned it, but simply because it is the right thing to do. In a world that often seems to overlook these foundational principles, it’s vital for parents to actively instill them in their children. I could argue that it’s not necessarily a given that someone deserves your respect but for purposes of this stage in their lives, they should “respect their elders” and “people in authority”. It’s a different world for them now so I’m hesitant to teach them to hand out their respect without discernment. Here’s how to nurture these essential values in your sons, equipping them for a life of purpose and integrity.
Respect is the cornerstone of all healthy relationships, whether with peers, family, or the community. It involves recognizing the worth of others and valuing their feelings, thoughts, and opinions. Teaching young men to be respectful can start with simple daily interactions. Encourage them to listen actively when someone speaks, to value differing opinions, and to show gratitude for the kindness of others.
Respect is often modeled through actions rather than words. As parents, it’s crucial to demonstrate respectful behavior in your own interactions. This means showing kindness to service workers, respecting differing viewpoints in conversations, and treating family members with patience and understanding. Your children will learn more from watching how you treat others than from what you tell them.
This is harder than it may sound. It doesn’t sound hard to me in the sense that I was raised this way. In 2024 however, there is a very good chance that if you attempt to respectfully disagree with someone, you are likely to be slapped with venom and called names. It’s not pretty but it’s true. It is happening everywhere. Not only must we watch how we react to people, but we must also monitor what they are seeing on social media and all around them. Respect can be taught but it must be nurtured throughout the course of their lives. Clearly, today, respect can be lost on most people. The key is to hold onto it.
**Pro Tip**
Create a “Respect Journal” where your sons can write down examples of respectful behavior they observe in others or exhibit themselves. This practice not only reinforces the concept but also makes them more mindful of their actions and those of others. I’d like to say I practice what I preach so this pro tip might not be for everyone. This is a great exercise for the younger ones who might not yet really understand respect, but they are getting there. It’s interesting to understand what their perception of respect is.
**Honor in Everyday Life: Defining Honor and Role-Playing Honor**
Honor involves being true to one’s word and standing by one’s commitments. It’s about loyalty to family, friends, and oneself. Discuss the importance of keeping promises and following through on commitments, no matter how small they may seem. This can include everything from honoring a promise to a friend to completing chores at home.
To help your sons understand the nuances of honor, consider role-playing scenarios that might test their integrity. These could include situations like being asked to cover for a friend who is skipping school or being pressured to cheat on a test. By practicing responses in your home, they’ll be better prepared to handle these situations in real life.
In discussions about honor, it’s valuable to share personal stories where integrity played a pivotal role in your own decision-making. This not only makes the concept more relatable but also illustrates that honor is a guiding principle that influences choices in real-life situations.
My twin boys are altar servers and masses are either Saturday evening or all day on Sunday. One of their classmates was unable to make his scheduled time to serve. We were asked if one of the boys could step in and serve for their friend. Now mind you in that scenario I did answer for them. I said that one of them would be able to help. I only said this knowing full well we didn’t have plans as a family on that day. I explained to the boys that their friend needs help and that I’d like for one of them to step in and take his place. At the time they both agreed without hesitation and had even told their friend at school that they’d be covering for him. Fast forward to the day of mass and you would have thought we asked them to serve all 8 masses that day. I had to remind them that we had to stick to our word and cover for their friend. I will not get into how we chose which one served mass that day, but it was a lesson for them that we must keep our word no matter how much we might not want to in the moment. It meant an awful lot to their friend’s mother, so it was a good day and turns out, it was the “shortest” of masses (if there is such a thing).
**Call to Action**
Set up a family discussion around what honor means to each member. Share personal stories where honor played a crucial role in decision-making and encourage your sons to think about how they can incorporate these lessons into their lives. This is a great exercise when you are all together at the dinner table. I enjoy that time, best time for conversations that include the entire family.
**Integrity: The Importance of and the Foundation of Character**
Integrity is perhaps the most critical of these values, encompassing honesty and consistency in actions. It’s essential for young men to understand that integrity means standing up for what is right, even when it is inconvenient. This principle can be illustrated through examples from history or literature that highlight individuals who exemplified strong moral character.
Integrity is built by example, so as parents, it is important to discuss your own decisions openly, especially those where integrity was challenged. By sharing how you navigated difficult choices, you provide a roadmap for your sons to follow. Engaging in discussions about current events can also be an effective way to instill integrity. Analyze news stories that showcase individuals demonstrating strong moral principles, encouraging your sons to think critically about the implications of those choices.
This is one of the primary reasons why I wanted to engage in this kind of dialogue with parents who are like-minded. In 2024, we are severely lacking in integrity and not necessarily with ourselves and looking at ourselves but with the people around us, the people who claim to have the “moral high ground”, the people who claim to know what’s best for us. I cannot imagine a world where I leave my sons behind and I’m not able to teach them integrity. I believe we have a problem in this country and in our schools and in our places of employment where integrity is completely lost. It’s not everyone but it’s palatable and real and close. I don’t like it at all. We must protect our children. They must learn from within and have the fortitude to take it with them.
**Pro Tip**
Use current events or news stories to spark conversations about integrity. Discuss individuals who demonstrated strong moral principles and the impact their choices had on their communities.
**Combatting a Culture of Disrespect – The State of Youth Respect in 2024**
In 2024, there is a growing concern about a lack of respect among youth, whether it be for themselves, their parents, or their communities. Such behavior is unsustainable and detrimental to society. This behavior is rampant in all aspects of our lives. It’s on college campuses, it’s in the grocery stores, it’s on the streets. It’s terrible. The first thing that comes to my mind is “where are their parents”! It’s vital for parents to actively combat this trend by fostering environments that prioritize respect and integrity. Teaching young men to recognize and respond to disrespect—whether it comes from peers or media portrayals—empowers them to become agents of change.
Almost every single day we are faced with this culture. You see it “online” mainly, but you do see it day to day. It can be the small things, something that another parent might see as insignificant but NOT THIS PARENT. We have children the neighborhood who seem to think it’s acceptable to call me by my first name. That is taught or should I say not taught in the home. That’s basic level respect right there. To ensure that these children know exactly where I stand, I feel very empowered to correct them and tell them how to appropriately address me. In a panic of course I will immediately shoot a glance to my own kids to make sure they aren’t doing the same thing to other adults in the neighborhood.
In the local pharmacy, yes pharmacy, I went to pick up a few things with my twins. They said “mom, why are all of these things locked up?” What a great question right? You would only hear this question in the past two to three years if we are being honest. I must explain to them that people feel like they can simply just take what they want and not pay. I explain that people feel entitled to or empowered to steal from these stores and it’s not right. It’s a disgrace. It’s a culture of disrespect is what it is.
It’s essential to be vigilant about the attitudes and behaviors your children encounter. Discuss how they should respond when they witness disrespect, whether from peers or in media portrayals. As this is being written we are nearing the next Presidential election 2024. What a time to provide examples of disrespect and lies. This is the perfect cesspool of learning happening right now. My oldest has his first government class and it’s fascinating to hear from him, the conversations that they are having in class. I want to raise men who can be trusted, who have integrity and who have respect for themselves and the people around them. Are you with me on this journey? I hope so!
**Call to Action**
Organize community activities that promote respect and collaboration. This could be volunteer work or neighborhood clean-up days, where your sons can actively engage with others and learn the value of community respect.
**Celebrating Honorable Achievements – Recognizing Positive Behavior**
When your children demonstrate respect, honor, and integrity, it’s vital to celebrate these moments. Recognition reinforces their importance and encourages your sons to continue embodying these values. Create opportunities for family discussions where achievements can be shared, reinforcing a culture of honor within your home. Encourage your children to recognize positive behaviors in their peers as well.This can foster a supportive atmosphere where respect and integrity are valued. Consider implementing a “kudos board” at home where family members can leave notes of appreciation for one another’s honorable actions.
We’ve been fortunate to have such recognitions with our sons whether they’ve displayed academic excellence or kindness in their classroom. We celebrate these things when they come up because it’s so important to do so. When you get an award for being kind isn’t that just magical? It goes back to my original thought, “where are their parents”? Well, we are right here celebrating with them as they get these awards.
**Pro Tip**
Use family gatherings as an opportunity to share and celebrate each other’s accomplishments, no matter how small. This not only reinforces positive behavior but also strengthens family bonds. I’m a fan of hanging those awards up on the wall, on the refrigerator and maybe even a social media post.
**The Role of Peers in Shaping Values: Choosing Like-Minded Friends**
Show me your friends and I’ll tell you what you are. My mom always said that to me and my siblings growing up. When I say always, I mean always. So much so that it became just that, some words my mom said to us. What I didn’t realize at the time was she was not so subtly telling us that she disliked our choices of friends. She didn’t dislike all of them but there were a few depending on the situation or the trouble we got into, that was her response. It didn’t take me until I was parent to understand that, but I find myself saying that to my oldest son. He seems to have made relatively good choices so far but there’s been one or two who make the hair stand up on the back of my neck. If I was being honest, I’ve gotten those feeling from some of the young ladies he’s hung out with. In fairness it could be the fact that we are talking about young ladies and mom isn’t ready for that, but I don’t think so. I’ll keep my mind open when it comes to more lady friends.
All kidding aside, the influence of peers cannot be understated. The friendships your sons form will significantly shape their values and behavior. It’s essential for them to surround themselves with like-minded individuals who embody respect, honor, and integrity. Discuss the importance of choosing friends wisely and encourage your sons to engage in activities where they can meet others who share these values, such as sports, clubs, or community service.
The company your sons keep will significantly influence their values and behavior. It’s crucial for them to understand the importance of surrounding themselves with peers who embody respect, honor, and integrity. Discuss the impact of peer pressure and the role it can play in decision-making.
Help your sons identify qualities they should look for in friends, such as kindness, honesty, and respect for others. Encourage them to engage in activities where they can meet like-minded individuals—be it through sports, clubs, or community service.
**Call to Action**
Facilitate gatherings with families who share your values. This creates a supportive community where your sons can build friendships with peers who uphold similar standards.
**Conclusion: A Lifelong Commitment to Core Values**
Instilling respect, honor, and integrity in your sons is not a one-time effort but a lifelong commitment. As they navigate the challenges of growing up, these core values will serve as guiding principles that shape their character and decision-making. By actively engaging in discussions, role-playing scenarios, and modeling these behaviors, you lay a solid foundation for them to build upon.
Ultimately, as parents, we play a crucial role in guiding our children through this journey. By fostering an environment that prioritizes respect, honor, and integrity, we empower our sons to become responsible, compassionate individuals who will positively impact their communities. These values are not just lessons for today; they are the cornerstones of a meaningful and principled life, guiding them as they grow into adulthood.
Every parent wants to hear someone say “they are doing something right” when they speak about their kids. Even if they can be little brats at home and vent to us and mouth off because they feel safe to do so, as long as when they step outside of those doors and these four walls, they are respectful, honorable and exhibit integrity then yes, that person is correct. We are doing something right.
Thank you for reading these insights. We hope you find these tips and tricks helpful as you navigate through your commonsense parenting journey. Raising respectful young men who demonstrate honor and integrity in all that they do is one of the hardest things to do. They face so many outside influences so if they can maintain these qualities, it’s such a win. I invite you to subscribe to our newsletter for more insights, strategies, and real-life tools to help navigate the commonsense way to parent.
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